


My Soul to Keep

by Bulletproof_love, tobeconspicuous



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: About Time, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon-Typical Violence, Case Fic, Kidnapping, M/M, Soulmates, Torture, references to rape and murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-06-30 22:43:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15761235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bulletproof_love/pseuds/Bulletproof_love, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobeconspicuous/pseuds/tobeconspicuous
Summary: Trevor Langan was sharp-witted, handsome and surprisingly gentle. He was everything Rafael wanted in a soulmate. If they had met under different circumstances Rafael would have completed the bond instantly. Instead, Trevor was representing a murderer who Rafael was prosecuting. A murderer who killed those who had found their soulmates.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Iloveadabarba](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iloveadabarba/gifts).



> My contribution to the WIP Big Bang. This work will be fully posted by the 27th.
> 
> To Iloveadabarba, Happy early birthday! I hope you enjoy the build up.
> 
> As always, many thanks to my betas ChameleonCircuit and Bulletproof_love. And to Darkmoore for endlessly questioning me.
> 
> All the good bits are theirs, the rest are mine.
> 
> As always I do not own, only enjoy, and I hope you do too. Feedback is very much appreciated

The party was in full swing when Rafael Barba entered the apartment, with one Rita Calhoun on his arm. As he scanned the room he was overwhelmed by the sea of tailored tuxedos and designer gowns. It was a world he pretended to move through with ease but one he had never grown accustomed to it. Rita, of course, was in her element, immediately dropping Rafael’s arm and disappearing into the crowd.  
  
He missed their Harvard days when partying was less formal. Still, he wasn’t actually there to have fun. He was there to mingle, make connections, and flirt outrageously with Buchanan’s wife. Something that annoyed the defense attorney just enough to make it worth the ADA’s time.  
  
That and the fact that Carol was lovely, and if she wasn’t clearly besotted with her husband Rafael may have even tried a proper seduction. It was a shame that such a smart, beautiful woman had ended up with a defense attorney like Buchanan. Whenever he complained to Rita, though, the woman just cocked her brow and stated ‘never say never, Rafael’. It infuriated him to no end.  
  
As he made his way towards the couple he was met with resounding disappointment. It appeared that Carol and her husband were otherwise occupied. He scanned the room for another distraction. Immediately he spotted the makeshift bar where the evening’s liquor was being served. He headed straight towards it with single-minded purpose, barrelling into a tall but solid figure on his way past.  
  
“Excuse me,” a masculine voice muttered politely.  
  
Rafael looked up into the softest grey eyes he had ever seen. He knew he should apologize, but Rafael’s mouth had always run faster than his brain. “You’re excused.”  
  
The tall man was breathtaking, with handsome features, and soft brown hair streaked with grey. He blinked, tilting his head to the side, an amused grin on his face.  
  
“Rafael Barba,” Rafael flashed a quick smile and held out his hand.  
  
“Trevor Lan--”  
  
As soon as their hands connected, it was as though the universe exploded behind Rafael’s eyes. The world suddenly seemed a little brighter and his head, a little more crowded. He snuck a glance at Trevor, who had the same shaken expression on his face. And Rafael knew that Trevor felt the same way.  
  
They were soulmates, and Initial Communication had occurred.  
  
“Ah, Rafael,” of course Rita would interrupt the biggest moment of the prosecutor’s life. “There you are.” She paused, noticing that Rafael was still clasping the other man’s. A wicked smirk twisted onto his oldest friend’s face. “I see you’ve met Trevor Langan.”  
  
“We only just introduced ourselves, Rita,” Rafael scowled, irritated at the intrusion.  
  
Rita rolled her eyes and continued. “Good for you, Rafael, maybe you can discuss a plea deal here rather than at the station.”  
  
“Excuse me?” Rafael’s brow shot up.  
  
“Trevor is defending your prime suspect,” Rita cooed as a rush of emotion washed over both men. “Anyway, boys, have a lovely evening.”  
  
She turned on her heel, smirk perfectly plastered on her face as she sashayed away. Rafael couldn’t help but glare daggers at her back. He turned to Trevor with a grim smile. “So this is awkward.”  
  
“It is,” the defense attorney hummed in agreement. “What do you-- Where do you-- I’m not sure what to say.”  
  
“Me neither,” Rafael admitted..  
  
“I know we need to talk,” Trevor sighed, “but we’re at a party, and I don’t feel like having a serious conversation.”  
  
The prosecutor couldn’t help but chuckle. “Neither do I.”  
  
“How about I get you a drink, then we get to know one another,” Trevor continued, his tone soft.  
  
Rafael smiled in agreement. “Lead the way.”  
  
He followed Trevor through the crowd of people, towards the makeshift bar. Trevor politely chatted to the server, his voice light and gentle. Soon his large hands held two glasses of scotch, he passed one to Rafael. As their fingers brushed together a jolt of electricity sparked through Rafael. He looked up at Trevor, the man’s grey eyes had darkened, a storm brewing in their depths.  
  
He cocked his head and Rafael nodded, the two of them withdrew onto the balcony. Rafael looked over the Manhattan skyline before he glanced back at Trevor, a soft smile on his face. He wanted to test the fabled connection, to mentally reach out and touch Trevor. Even though the bond seemed to scream for him to make contact, something was holding Rafael back.  
  
“So…”  
  
“It’s a nice night,” Trevor murmured softly. “Not a cloud in sight.”  
  
“Small talk?” He chuckled.  
  
Trevor just beamed. “Well the weather is good..”  
  
Rafael felt the ghost of a touch against his shoulder. He raised his gaze to meet Trevor’s, his grey eyes were sparkling. Rafael tentatively pushed the connection himself, mentally reaching out to brush Trevor’s cheek.  
  
“There you are, Rafael,” the fragile connection snapped as Rita made herself known. “Come on, I need you to be by my side when I talk to the senior partners.”  
  
“Rita--”  
  
“You can flirt on your own time,” she chided, grabbing Rafael roughly by the shoulder.  
  
Rafael looked up at Trevor, and mouthed the words ‘I’m sorry’. Trevor seemed to take it in stride, he gave Rafael a soft smile as he lifted a hand to wave goodbye. Rafael wished that he had taken the chance to reach out and touch Trevor...  
  
When Rita deposited him in front of her firm's senior partners, he straightened himself out and shook all their hands. He was here for Rita after all, he needed to help her make a good impression. He would have another chance to connect with his soulmate. There was always arraignment after all.


	2. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, many thanks to my betas ChameleonCircuit and Bulletproof_love.
> 
> All the good bits are theirs, the rest are mine.
> 
> As always I do not own, only enjoy, and I hope you do too. Feedback is very much appreciated

Three months ago, Sandra Delaney had been found curled into a ball, holding her heart in her hand. Upon further examination there was signs of anal and vaginal trauma. She had been raped and then had her heart cut out. Her soulmate was her only next of kin.

Two months ago, Robert Barron was found in the same position, with the same wounds, the same trauma. His heart was found cut into pieces, shoved in his mouth and down his throat. He had recently married his soulmate.

A month ago, Dean Reynolds was found in an almost identical condition to the previous two. His heart, though, had been scattered around his body, at least the parts that they found had been. He had moved in with his soulmate three days prior.

Two days ago, Jean Baker was found, propped up against the wall, curled in on herself, heart in her hands. She was eighteen, and she had recently bonded with her soulmate.

It had taken far too long to work out how the suspect was locating his victims. Though Soulmates were known, the chance of someone meeting their soulmate was rare. And someone finding four unrelated victims who had found their soulmates? Astronomical.

The solution had been remarkably simple. Some couples would print an announcement, sharing their joy in the local paper, or post it on their Facebook. That was all that it took to be added to the list of potential victims.

Rafael scanned through the case notes then back up at the suspect and frowned. He looked younger than Rafael had expected, but then again he had never been any good working out who the perpetrator was, which is why he left that to the detectives.

Carisi was standing next to him, watching the young man through the viewing panel of the interrogation room. The suspect looked far too proud of himself. He appeared to be looking straight through the glass, he wiggled his brow suggestively. Rafael huffed before he looked back down at the case notes. 

“No lawyer?” He queried the detective, who turned to him with a lopsided grin.

“Nah,” Carisi shrugged. “Not yet at least.”

Rafael felt his brow quirk. “Do I need to remind him of his rights?”

“You don’t think we did?” Rollins charged in, throwing Rafael a glare.

Rafael ensured his response was measured. “I know you like to play loosely with the law.”

“Go in there and offer,” Rollins muttered. “Be my guest.”

“After you, detective.”

It was Carisi who opened the door, shaking his head as both Rafael and Rollins walked through. As Rafael took his seat he saw the lanky man move himself to the corner of the room, probably hoping to bury himself in shadow. 

Rafael eyed the suspect before him. He didn’t look so young under the harsh lights of the interrogation room. Or maybe it was the deep bags under his dark green eyes that created the illusion, or the way his mousy brown hair stuck up in various angles.

“Dylan Jordan,” Rafael began, opening his notes before looking the young man directly in the eyes. “I’m ADA Rafael Barba and I’m here to negotiate with you on behalf of the Manhattan DA’s office.”

“I don’t want a lawyer,” he mumbled his response. There was defiance in his eyes, a cruel sneer twisting up his lips. Rafael wasn’t sure how he had missed it.

“So I have been advised,” Rafael glanced over to Carisi. “Has he signed a waiver of counsel?”

“Uhh…”

“Not yet,” Rollins jumped in.

Rafael sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why am I here, then? Go get the waiver and bring it back here.”

As Rollins stood up the legs of her chair scraped on the tile of the floor, sauntering from the room. Rafael rolled his eyes at her dramatics before he pulled out a pen and beginning to make notes on his copy of the case file. He always enjoyed locating the errors that the detectives had made. With each flick of the pen Jordan’s eye seemed to twitch and his mouth opened as though he wanted to say something. 

“Carisi,” Rafael uttered, glancing at his watch. “How long will Rollins be? I have other cases I am working on.”

The detective at least had the decency to look embarrassed. “I’ll go check.”

As soon as the door slammed closed the interrogation room went cold. Through the mirrored glass, Rafael could see that Jordan’s cold gaze had shifted towards him. A shudder went through him as each hair on the back of his neck began to stand. He silently thanked Liv, who he knew was standing there watching him from the opposite side of the glass. He knew he was safe under her watchful eye, if anything were to happen she would be inside the room momentarily.

Rafael still felt anxious though, it was not standard practice for him to be alone in a room with a suspect. He glanced up at Jordan who was now leaning over the table. His smile had grown wider.

“Have you met your soulmate, Mr. Barba?” His voice sent shivers down his spine. Jordan’s eyes danced over him before he sat back in his chair again. “No? Well some of us aren’t that lucky.”

Rafael knew better than to rise to the bait, but he couldn’t help the question that spilt forth. “Excuse me?”

“Emily was the only light in such a dark world,” he continued to muse. “Shame she had to be taken from me so soon.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” the apology was automatic.

“It one of the reasons why,” Jordan hummed, “you know?” He leaned forward again and smiled widely, showing Rafael his perfectly straight teeth. “Why should I suffer while others are happy?”

Rafael felt himself go stiff, his own eyes locking with Jordan’s dark green pools. There was no emotion behind them, like being sucked into a void, they were empty. He carefully cleared his throat before he slowly rose to his feet.

“Going somewhere, counselor?” Jodan slowly rose to his feet.

The door of the interrogation room burst open, Rollins and Carisi stumbled through, angry expressions adorned their faces. Jordan just sat back, arms behind his head.

“I think I’m going to ask for a lawyer now.”

\--

The water felt cool against Rafael’s face. He splashed himself a few more times before he turned the tap off and reached for the paper towels. He grabbed a couple before dabbing his face clean and inhaling deeply. He couldn’t believe what had happened, that he had been left alone with a clearly psychotic suspect. 

“We had to call in legal aid.” He spun around at the sound of Carisi’s familiar voice. “It’ll be a while before they send someone.”

“Never leave an ADA alone with a suspect,” He snapped as he threw the towels in the waste. He moved to look at his reflection, straightening his tie and smoothing his hair until he looked presentable. He then turned to face the far too confident looking detective.

“You realize he didn’t actually confess,” Rafael huffed.

“At least we’re certain he’s guilty though,” Carisi shrugged. “Besides, you’ll find a way to put him in prison for a long time. I have faith.”

“You shouldn’t.”

\--

The sweet scent of coffee brewing greeted Rafael as he strode into his office. He leaned out of the doorway to mutter a quick thanks to Carmen before he closed it behind him. Dumping his briefcase on his coffee table, he strode over to the pot to pour himself a cup, added creamer, then moved to the couch to sit down.

He hated the way that some suspects wormed their way under his usually thick skin, and Dylan Jordan had certainly put him on edge. He sipped the warm liquid and let himself sink into the couch. 

Thirty seconds later his phone rang.

Rafael groaned before he placed the coffee down on his desk and opened his briefcase. He rolled his eyes at the caller ID before he sighed loudly and picked up the phone to answer. “Rita.”

“Rafael,” the snark in her voice was already apparent.

Rafael rolled his eyes before he grabbed his coffee and took another sip. “What do you want?”

“Can’t I just want to speak to my oldest friend?” Her tone was saccharin. She clearly wanted something.

“No.”

Her scoff was quiet. “What’s put you on edge?”

“Nothing,” he murmured as he sipped his coffee. “A case I’m working on.” His stomach churned, he knew he didn’t want Rita on this case. “If Legal Aid calls--”

“I’ll stop you right there,” Rafael could hear how clearly amused she was. “My firm doesn’t have an agreement with Legal Aid.”

“Just for friends then?” He couldn’t help but snark.

“Just the wealthy ones,” She laughed before rounding back on Rafael. “Why?”

“No,” he shook his head, he had already said too much. “You’re not getting case details from me.”

There was silence on the other end but he knew that Rita would be working through everything in her mind. After nearly two decades of practicing law she was still as sharp as ever.

“Is it the Soulmate murders?”  Rafael was unsurprised that she came to the correct conclusion.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Rita--”

“Those are an abomination,” he heard the tremble in her voice. “I wouldn’t touch those if you paid me too.”

“I’m glad,” he truly was.

“Buchanan, though--”

Rafael rolled his eyes. Of course Rita couldn’t help but stir. “Please no.”

“I wouldn’t worry,” she continued to tease. “His firm doesn’t have a legal aid agreement either.”

“There are plenty who do though,” Rafael muttered as he finished off his coffee. He hummed in appreciation as a thought crossed his mind. “Any ideas who I may be up against?”

“Tisk tisk, Rafael,” Rita purred.

Rafael rolled his eyes. “Oh come on, Rita.”

“You’re not getting details from me,” she sang. “Unless...”

“Unless?” He prompted.

Her demand was simple. “Escort me to Hammond’s party tomorrow night.”

“Hammond?” He frowned before quickly checking his planner. He had nothing on. “Your boss?”

“I want to be a named partner before I turn fifty,” Rita sighed loudly.

He couldn’t help but tease her. “Better hurry then.”

“Rafael,” her responding growl was clearly a warning.

“Why me?” He asked earnestly. “You’re always bragging about your conquests--”

“You’ll look after me, Rafael,” she cooed sweetly. “Besides, it looks good to have an ADA on side.”

“Rita--”

“Buchanan will be there,” he perked at the mention of the other man’s name. “He will be bringing Carol.” 

The mention of Buchanan’s wife bought a satisfied smirk to the ADA’s face. He enjoyed talking to the sharp witted woman, almost as much as he enjoyed how angry it made Buchanan.

“What time am I picking you up?” He queried .

“Eight would be marvelous,” she beamed. “I’ll see you then.”

“Wait, Rita,” he practically shouted down the phone. 

“Yes?”

“The list of firms?” He breathed.

“Tomorrow.” Before he could argue she hung up the phone.

He scowled at his own device before he tossed it on the table and sunk back into the couch. Rita always seemed to catch him off guard during the harder cases, and it frustrated him. Still, Hammond’s party would be a chance to mingle, and maybe even frustrate Rita a little. 


	3. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, many thanks to my betas ChameleonCircuit and Bulletproof_love.
> 
> All the good bits are theirs, the rest are mine.
> 
> As always I do not own, only enjoy, and I hope you do too. Feedback is very much appreciated

The euphoria that Rafael felt at finding his soulmate was short lived. Even though his eyes kept searching, he didn't see Trevor again after Rita dragged him away. At the end of the evening, before he climbed into his Uber, Rita handed him a folded piece of paper. Rafael opened it to find Trevor's details were hastily written, followed by the words 'call me'.

Rafael hadn't found the time, and now any illusions he had over his soulmate were shattered. Trevor Langan was standing alongside Dylan Jordan, looking impeccable in his suit. Rafael tried to keep himself focused on the case before him but Trevor's presence was a constant distraction. As their bond was not complete, he had expected that their reactions to each other would be magnified. He hadn’t expected it to be so overwhelming.

Rafael felt the ghost of a hand on his shoulder and his back went tense. From the corner of his eye he could see Trevor's concern, a reassuring touch, he supposed. He shrugged it off and shook his head slightly, not wanting to draw the attention of Jordan. 

He shouldn’t have been surprised by the sensation, he had felt Trevor tentatively reach out before. He had been testing their bond since that first meeting. Rafael had assumed that the projected touches and emotions would become fainter the longer they left their bond incomplete, instead they grew stronger.

After some research, Rafael had discovered that this was nature's way of reminding a person that their soulmate was still there and still willing to be bonded. If you felt nothing after initial communication, or the sensations were painful, it was a sure sign to break the bond instead.

The judge banged her gavel, startling Rafael from his thoughts as she began to read the charges. “Dylan Jordan, you have been charged with four counts rape in the first degree, and four counts murder in the first degree. How do you plead?”

“Not Guilty, your honor,” Jordan’s tone was almost gleeful.

“The people on bail?”

“Remand, your honor,” Rafael lifted his head to look the judge straight in the eye. “Mr. Jordan has brutally raped and murdered four people. He poses a risk to the community and has the means to flee the country.”

“Your honor,” Trevor countered. “Dylan Jordan is an upstanding member of the community and has never had any trouble with the law before--”

“Though he has been arrested for rape previously,” Rafael tried not to feel too pleased with the interjection.

Trever side eyed him. “He was never charged for or convicted of.”

“Due to lack of evidence,” he cut the defense attorney off. “The pattern of those rapes clearly match the pattern shown in these murders.”

“Your honor,” Trevor turned his attention to the judge. “Mr. Barba is trying to link irrelevant cases because he can barely make his own.”

Rafael scoffed at that. “And the defense is grasping at straws.”

“Let’s split the difference,” the judge sighed. “Bail is set for fifty thousand, the defendant has to surrender his passport.” She banged her gavel. “Next docket please.”

Rafael nodded, a smirk crossing his features. He nodded at the defendant and his attorney before he collected his papers and tucked them into his briefcase before he turned on his heel and left the courtroom.

“That went well,” Olivia smiled as she matched his stride, walking along the corridor to the lift. “Langan is going to wish he turned down the case.”

Rafael felt a thrill of electricity sparking through him at the mention of Trevor’s name. He forced himself to chuckle as he answered. “He should have.”

“Rafael,” a familiar voice echoed down the hallway. “Mr. Barba.”

“Speak of the devil,” Rafael smiled wryly before turning his head to watch Trevor stride towards him.

“Langan,” Olivia greeted stoically. “Already looking for a deal?”

“No actually,” Trevor replied as the three of them stepped into a lift. “I was hoping to speak to Raf--” Rafael cocked his brow. “Mr. Barba alone of possible.”

“I’m sure anything that you would like to say to Raf,” Her tone challenging as she looked Trevor in the eye. “ _ Mr. Barba _ , can be said in my presence.”

“It’s fine, Liv,” Rafael raised a hand. “I need to grab a coffee before I head back to the office.” The elevator doors opened and he stepped out before turning to look at Trevor. “Coming, Langan?”

Rafael could have sworn he saw Trevor’s tongue dart out and swipe across his bottom lip before he turned to walk away. A moment later the taller man was beside him, jogging down the stairs his own briefcase in hand. They made their way across the road in silence, a thousand thoughts rushing through Rafael’s mind, his body tingling in anticipation. 

As he ordered his coffee he felt the ghost of a hand at the small of his back. He turned to glance at Trevor who was looking in the opposite direction, a small smile gracing his handsome features. Rafael rolled his eyes and sipped the coffee, using the cup to hide his own smile.

Rafael couldn’t help but study Trevor as he took a step forward and ordered his own beverage. Light and sweet, just the way that Rafael himself liked it.

The soulmate phenomenon was something that Rafael had never dwelled upon. When he was a child he asked his mother about soulmates and she had told him to stop dreaming, that soulmates weren’t for people like them. Even his abuelita had quietly told him that some things were better left to the movies. So he’d dropped the idea of finding his ideal and set his sights elsewhere.

Now, watching Trevor pay for a simple cup of coffee, his grey eyes soft and his smile genuine, Rafael couldn’t help but feel at a loss. He had wasted so many years avoiding social gatherings he couldn’t help but wonder ‘what if’. What if he had socialized more with his peers? Would he have run into Trevor earlier? Would he have allowed himself this chance?

“Rafael?” Trevor’s quiet voice broke his train of thought.

“Sorry,” Rafael forced himself to look into steel grey eyes. “I’m letting myself get distracted.”

“I can tell,” his response was reserved. “Mind if we take a walk?”

Rafael nodded and swigging from his coffee cup as the two of them began to move away from the cart. There was a nervous energy radiating off of Trevor, and though he was clearly trying to reign in his emotions, Rafael felt them wash over him. He reached out and placed his hand on Trevor’s arm, wanting to calm him. Trevor looked at Rafael, grey eyes widened in surprise.

“Thank you,” he hummed before he took Rafael by the elbow, guiding him towards a bench. “So how are you?”

“Really?” Rafael couldn’t help but scoff as they sat. “That’s what you’re asking?”

“Forgive me?” Trevor didn’t take the bait. “I’m not sure what to do. This is new to me--”

“Obviously.”

“And as I just said,” Trevor tilted his head down towards Rafael, and shrugged his shoulders. “I have no idea what I’m doing, and neither do you.”

Rafael rolled his eyes and sighed. “So what did you want to discuss?”

“Do you…” Trevor took a deep breath before he continued. “What do you want to do about our situation?”

“What do you mean?” His response was careful.

“Do you wish to pursue the bond or break it?” Trevor’s question was earnest. “Because I want to get to know you, Rafael, really know you. But if you don’t want this I’d prefer to end it now.”

Rafael felt his heart flutter in his chest at Trevor’s words. He didn’t want to end things, not when they were just beginning. He opened his mouth to respond, to reassure Trevor, but the taller man continued before he was able.

“I can’t handle the uncertainty of an incomplete bond,” he murmured before looking up at Rafael.

“I want you,” Rafael huffed a laugh. “I can’t believe I’m saying it, but I do.”

“Well that’s flattering--”

“Please let me finish,” he cut Trevor off with an easy smile. “But I’m not sure if I am ready to complete the bond.”

Trevor’s gaze turned tender. “I understand,” he murmured gently. “I’d like to get to know you better first.”

“Exactly,” Rafael let out a sigh of relief.

“Dinner?” There was a spark of hope to the question. “Tomorrow?”

There was only one answer running through Rafael’s mind. “I’d like that.”

\--

Rafael strode into the squad room, hot coffee in hand and a stern look on his face. He had received word that Jordan had received bail and was seething at the stupidity of whoever fronted the bond. He walked through the desks over to the boards where Carisi, Fin, and Rollins were already huddled and slammed his briefcase on the desk next to them.

“Jesus, Barba,” Rollins scowled. “Haven’t had your eighth cup of coffee yet?”

“Only on my third,” he waved the cup in front of her before downing the remaining contents.

“I take it you heard about Jordan then?” Fin lifted his brow. “Someone’s gonna regret wasting all that money.”

“You’ve lost track of him already?” Rafael was unable to keep the disbelief from his tone, he could not believe what he was hearing.

Rafael took a deep breath and thought of Trevor. He reached out across their connection, trying to see if he could sense him. Warmth flooded through Rafael, as did a sense of appreciation from Trevor. He felt quite serene, he clearly hadn’t heard the news. Rafael sent a final reassuring touch through the connection before he turned his attention back to Fin.

“He was gone like the wind as soon as bail was posted,” Fin continued. “He was barely out the door when the uni’s lost him.”

“Marvelous,” his tone dripped with sarcasm. Rafael felt the ghost of a hand on his shoulder, followed by a reassuring squeeze. Knowing that Trevor was concerned for him was enough to remind Rafael to take a deep breath before he continued. “Do you at least have anything new for me?”

“Nothing you’ll be interested in yet,” Carisi sighed, he had jutted his hip to one side, his arms were crossed over his chest. “Hopefully the DNA will come back a match on the Clary case.”

“They’ll probably plea down,” Rafael huffed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Olivia in her office?”

“Sure is,” Fin told him. “Just knock before entering.

Rafael picked up his briefcase and headed towards Liv’s office. He rapped on the door and waited for her familiar voice to sing out before he let himself in. Olivia was hunched over her desk, glasses on, pen flying over paper. Rafael closed the door behind him before he made himself comfortable on her couch.

“Rafael,” she said dryly, eyes still focused on the paperwork.

He grabbed the newspaper on her coffee table and flicked through it casually. “Liv.”

“You heard about Jordan then?” She placed her pen down on the desk and looked at Rafael.

“Obviously,” he countered before turning his viridian eyes onto her. “I’m not happy.”

“Neither are we,” Olivia sighed before she rose to her feet and slowly made her way over to the couch. “We’re trying to find him.”

“Ahh,” he couldn’t help himself. “That’s what they’re trying to do while they’re standing out there looking at the boards.”

Olivia arched her brow. “You know it’s a process--”

“I know,” he cut her off. “Still, I’d like to know if I should bother preparing for trial.”

“We’ll find him,” she sounded so certain Rafael almost believed it. “We understand how he thinks now.”

“I hope so, Liv,” he said honestly. “I’d prefer not to have to add another charge.”

“Neither would we,” Liv sighed rubbing at her temples. “So…” Her tone went light, there was a teasing quality to it. “Did you have a nice chat with Langan yesterday?”

Rafael ignored the swooping sensation in his stomach, rolling his eyes and sighing, instead. “As nice as a conversation with a defense attorney could be.”

“Not going to give me a hint as to what it was about?” Liv looked at him, her brown eyes begging to be let in on Rafael’s secret.

He waved his hand dismissively. “Nothing you need to concern yourself about.”

“Rafael--”

“Rita dragged me to a party the other night,” he offered by way of explanation. “We were discussing something that happened. Nothing to do with the case, I swear.”

“He hasn’t approached you for a deal yet?” The surprise was apparent in her tone.

“I’m sure Langan would love to take a plea,” Rafael was surprised at how foreign saying Trevor’s surname already felt. “Jordan? Not so much.” He placed the barely read newspaper back on the coffee table. “Anything else?”

She studied him for a moment then shook her head and smiled. “We’ll keep you posted.”

“Thanks, Liv,” he gladly returned the smile and rose to his feet.

“Rafael,” the tone of her voice made him turn to look at her. “Something’s different about you, I just can’t put my finger on it.”

For a brief moment he contemplated telling her the truth, that Trevor was his soulmate. Yet something held him back, he wasn’t quite ready to share their secret yet. Instead he forced a laugh. “It’s the lack of coffee.”

“I’m being serious,” her response was pointed.

He arched his brow. “As am I.”

“Goodbye, Rafael,” she sighed, shooing him out of her office.

“Bye, Liv.”

He closed the office door behind him as he left. He nodded to the Detectives as he made his way out of the precinct and back to the streets of Manhattan. His watch told him that he had several hours before his plans with Trevor, and piles of paperwork to complete. Still, the thought of sharing a nice meal and a glass of scotch with Trevor was enough to make the task less daunting. 

He glanced back at the sixteenth before he finally turned on his heal and flagged down a car. A small smile twitched at the corner of his mouth, his mood had finally lifted.


	4. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, many thanks to my betas ChameleonCircuit and Bulletproof_love.
> 
> All the good bits are theirs, the rest are mine.
> 
> As always I do not own, only enjoy, and I hope you do too. Feedback is very much appreciated

Rafael reviewed himself in the mirror and frowned. In dark jeans, a pink button-up shirt, and a dark grey jacket he looked good, he knew he looked good. That didn’t stop the self doubt that seemed to scratch at his mind, making him second guess his choices.

He could hear Rita’s voice in the back of his head, teasing him. She would love to see him now, worrying about what Trevor would think of him dressed in jeans rather than his usual attire. He wouldn’t allow her the satisfaction though, he forced himself to stop worrying and walk away. On his way out the door, he grabbed his keys, took a deep breath and marched forward, locking the door behind him.

As he rode the elevator down, he booked his Uber, which was ready for him by the time he stepped past the doorman and onto the street. The ride to the restaurant didn’t take long and before he knew it Rafael was sitting at a table opposite his soulmate.

They ordered their drinks, a scotch for Rafael and Trevor, much to Rafael’s displeasure, had whatever was on tap. He couldn’t help but arch his brow as Trevor took a sip of the golden beverage.  “Aren’t you supposed to be trying to impress me?”

“I thought the plan was for us to get to know each other,” Trevor chuckled before raising his glass to his lips.

“Well yes,” Rafael sighed loudly as he rolled his eyes. “But I assumed you would put in some effort.”

“Would you prefer to get to know the real me or a facade?”

Trevor had a good point. Rafael attempted to think of a witty response but instead he let himself lapse into silence. He sipped at his scotch and gazed at the menu in front of him, a thousand questions running through his mind. He felt a reassuring hand on his shoulder, the contact sent a jolt through him. It had been weeks since they had first shaken hands, and he was still surprised each time he felt the ghost of Trevor’s touch.

He looked up to see that a smile was playing behind Trevor’s eyes. “So how was your day?”

“Really?” The question took Rafael by surprise. “Small talk?” He scoffed. “We’ve been down this road before.”

Trevor shrugged, a warm smile on his face. “This is rather awkward.”

“Aren’t all first dates awkward?” Rafael countered before taking another sip of his scotch.

“How many first dates have you been on?” Trevor’s tone was teasing and light.

“Enough,” he kept his answer short. Trevor smiled knowingly as he took a drink. “Not many,” Rafael admitted. “I don’t have the time.”

“Busy caseload?’ 

“Yes,” he chuckled. “Obviously.”

“I find myself making the time these days,” Trevor’s admission flustered him more than he cared to admit.

Rafael was aware that he had a tendency to put his career first. It had been one of the reasons his last relationship had ended so poorly, and the excuse he needed to avoid searching for someone. “Well good for you.”

Trevor’s expression made him wince. “Clearly this isn’t going how I wanted it too.”

“Me neither,” he admitted, he picked up the menu and began to play with it.

“How about we start over?” Trevor asked lightly. “No assumptions.”

“Do the whole cliched ‘My name is Rafael Barba and I am an ADA at the Manhattan District Attorney’s office’?” Rafael’s laugh was bitter.

“Why not?”

“Because it’s drivel,” he shrugged, well aware of how petulant he sounded.

“Okay then,” Trevor tried again. “Tell me about yourself.”

“Are you being particularly obstinate?” The words were out before he could stop them.

Trevor’s tone turned dry. “Are you?”

“Well if this is--”

“I’m terrified,” the admission was so soft Rafael was unsure if he heard it.

Rafael couldn’t help but ask, “Excuse me?”

“Terrified that this isn’t going to work,” Trevor continued, his voice shook slightly. “Terrified that it will. Terrified that if it doesn’t, nothing will work out again. Terrified that if it does that my world will be completely changed.” This time it was Rafael who mentally reached out to lay a hand on Trevor’s shoulder.

“Hasn’t it already?” He looked up and allowed his eyes to meet Trevor’s.

“Yes,” Trevor reached out to tentatively grab Rafael’s hand, he allowed him to take it, entwining their fingers together. “It has.”

“I feel the same,” a small smile crept onto his face at the warmth of Trevor’s hand on his.

“Good,” Trevor nodded. “I’m glad. Well not--”

“I know what you mean.”

This time the silence that hung between them wasn’t awkward or unwelcome, it felt like an agreement, a mutual understanding. Just as before it was Trevor who broke the connection. “Start over?”

“With the cliched drivel?” Rafael teased.

Luckily Trevor took it in good stead and laughed alongside him.“Only if you want to.”   


“How about something else?” Anything else really, Rafael thought to himself.

“Such as?” Trevor’s question almost sounded like an invitation.

Rafael raked his brain for a moment  “What’s the one thing I should know about you?”

“I am not a morning person,” his answer was not what Rafael was expecting.

He kept a straight face and took a sip of his scotch. “Neither am I.”

“I can’t function till after ten,” Trevor challenged. “Even if I’ve had a jug of coffee.”

“A kindred spirit,” Rafael humored him.

Trevor laughed once more. “What about you then?”

“Since you stole mine--” He shot Trevor a fake glare before he continued. “I struggle to look after myself.”

“In what way?” The question was genuine. “You look fine to me.”

“Busy workload as I said,” Rafael sighed before he explained. “I work fifteen hour days, six days a week.”

“You must be exhausted,” once more Rafael felt the ghost of a hand on his left shoulder, then another on his right.

Across the table, Trevor had a serene smile on his face, and a glint in his eye. Rafael couldn’t help the groan that escaped his mouth as Trevor’s projected hands located each and every tense muscle in his back, rubbing deep circles into the middle of Rafael’s shoulders.

“Perpetually,” the admission was easy.

Trevor quirked his brow. “Ever take a break?”

Images of sun-soaked sands and crystal blue waters flashed through his mind. Rafael had spent his last holiday soaking in the sun on his own private beach in St Barths. He imagined Trevor by his side, reclining on a deck chair, his unbuttoned shirt revealing a muscular torso.

“Occasionally.”

“Sun or snow?” The question was eager.

“Both,” Rafael answered easily. “Depending on my mood or my partner’s wallet.”

“Oh?”

“The last man I dated enjoyed skiing in Gstaad,” he explained.

Trevor leaned forward across the table. “I’m getting the sense that you didn’t?”

“I’m not fond of the sport,” Rafael chuckled at the admission. “I prefer curling up with a book--”

“In front of a roaring fire?”

“I know you’re teasing me,” Rafael’s brow quirked in amusement. “But yes.”

“Sounds like heaven actually,” Trevor’s agreement made his stomach flutter.

They looked at each other for a moment, and Rafael felt light. Before either of them could say anything further one of the wait staff appeared. “Are you ready to order?”

“I am,” Trevor opened his menu with a smile. “Rafael?”

“I haven’t even looked at my menu,” he admitted.

Trevor looked over at their server. “Can we have five more minutes?”

“Certainly,” the server answered formally before disappearing once more.

“Should I be flattered?” Trevor turned his attention back to Rafael. “I’ve distracted you from eating.”

“Only from the menu,” Rafael shot back. “Not from the action itself.”

Trevor smiled. “True.”

“Should I be insulted?” Rafael continued. “Have I been boring you?”

“I decided before you arrived,” his answer was sheepish. “I come here a lot.”

“Ahh,” A smirk crept onto Rafael’s face. “Anything you’d recommend?”

“Honestly?” Rafael nodded, curious at what Trevor would suggest. “The lamb shanks.”

A surprising shiver ran down his spine. “A man after my own heart.”

“That was my intention.”

They shared another smile before their server returned. They ordered quickly before they found themselves lost once more in easy conversation. Rafael found himself enjoying their banter more than he had expected to, Trevor matched each of Rafael’s remarks with one of his own.

Rafael was famished by the time their meals arrived and eagerly consumed the lamb shanks which had come so highly recommended. Tender grey eyes watched in amusement as Rafael enjoyed every morsel of his meal. When their empty plates were taken away and they were offered the dessert menu, Rafael couldn’t help but reach out and take it. Not because he wanted to eat dessert, though that was a bonus, but because he wanted to spend more time with Trevor.

“So what would you do now?”

The question caught Rafael off guard. “What do you mean?”

“We’re coming to the end of our first date,” Trevor’s tone was light. “You’ve got the dessert menu in hand--”

“I can put it down if you’d rather,” Rafael couldn’t help but tease.

Trevor chuckled before he continued. “So first date, dessert menu, what happens next?”

The question felt heavy to Rafael, he knew Trevor didn’t mean it to be, still it rolled through his mind. He allowed his eyes to rake over Trevor, taking in his appearance. Streaks of silver ran through soft brown hair, just like Rafael’s. There was dark stubble on his chin, he probably hadn’t shaved since the day before. He imagined the grazed of that stubble against his own clean face, the fantasy sent a shiver through him. Rafael wondered if Trevor had picked up on his thoughts, his usually light grey eyes had darkened. 

He was at an impasse, he could open the menu and continue to make small talk with Trevor. Or he could put the menu down, and take Trevor by the hand. He could lead him outside, press him against a wall, and kiss him senseless. He had a decision to make, all he could do was take a deep breath and pray he’d make the right one. 

“It depends on how attracted I am to my date,” he drawled. As he raked his gaze over Trevor’s handsome face he felt himself grow dizzy. 

Trevor’s smile was alluring, and his eyes sparkled. “And just how attractive am I?” He asked, although Rafael was certain Trevor already knew his answer.

Rafael’s heart pounded as he felt the flush warm his face. He knew what he wanted, he just had to allow himself to take a chance. He took a deep breath and lifted his brow. “Let’s skip dessert.”

—

As soon as his lips met Trevor’s everything suddenly clicked into place, Rafael understood why people craved a soulmate. Even with their height difference the kiss was perfect and awakened something deep down inside of Rafael, something unexpected, something feral.

He reached out and tugged Trevor towards him, wanting to feel every inch of him. Their connection flared, and Rafael was lost to it, physically and mentally. It took all of his force to peel himself away, the look Trevor gave him made his heart heavy.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, resting his forehead against Trevor’s chest.

“Don’t be,” Trevor murmured as he grasped the back of Rafael’s neck. “We already discussed this--”

“I didn’t realize the connection would be so strong,” nor did he expect it to be so overwhelming. If they weren’t facing off in court within the next few weeks, Rafael would have taken him home right then.

“Neither did I,” Trevor hummed in agreement. “If you want to break the bond--”

“No!” Rafael practically shouted, taking a step back. “No, I don’t want that. I just want to wait--”

“Till after the trial?” He asked even though he already knew the answer.

“Yes,” Rafael nodded, breathing a sigh of relief. “Then we can discuss bonding.”

“It’s going to be difficult,” Trevor sighed. “I feel the connection grow stronger with each passing day.”

“Me too,” Rafael admitted. “It’ll be safer for you though.”

“What do you mean?” The question was tense.

The scoff was out before he could stop it. “I heard your client made bail.”

“Rafael--”

He couldn’t help but snap. “You do know he’s guilty--”

Rafael watched Trevor’s forehead crease and a small frown appeared on his face. “Of course I do,” he muttered angrily. “Do you think I would have taken him as a client unless I had to?”

“Aren’t you a named partner?” Rafael took a step towards Trevor, he reached out and placed a hand on his arm. “Surely--”

“No one else would take him,” Trevor admitted with a sigh. “And the case was far too difficult to give to someone straight out of law school. What else could I do?”

“I know,” Rafael murmured. “I’m sorry.” He took a step forward and cupped Trevor’s cheek. “You’re a better person than I.”

“I don’t know about that,” Trevor’s laughter was soft, warm.

“Just stay safe,” Rafael stroked Trevor’s cheek with his thumb. “And stay far away from Jordan.”

“I’m not sure if I can keep that promise,” Trevor whispered. “I have a job to do you know.”

“Please?” He pleaded. “Make sure there’s another person with you at all times.”

“I will,” Trevor leaned down. With his finger’s on Rafael’s chin, Trevor lifted Rafael’s head towards his own.

This time their kiss was soft, slow, but just as intense as the last. Rafael could feel the energy coursing through him and Trevor, connecting them together. Breaking this kiss was harder than the first, he knew this was what Trevor wanted, what he wanted. This time it was Trevor who took a step away, a sad smile on his face.

“I think I’m already falling for you,” Rafael admitted, the loss of contact made his heart ache.

Trevor laughed again, the beautiful sound now so familiar to Rafael. “I think I’ve already fallen for you.”

Rafael surged forward and stole another kiss, Trevor’s lips sweet against his own. “Goodnight Trevor,” Rafael murmured after he finally broke away.

Trevor reached for his hand, linking their fingers together. “Goodnight Rafael,” the regret in Trevor’s tone made his stomach clench.

Rafael held onto Trevor’s grip, squeezing his hand for a moment, sharing one final glance before they both turned and walked away. As their hands fell apart physically, Rafael could still feel the ghost of Trevor’s hand linked with his own. He smiled at the familiar warm as Trevor rubbed his thumb along Rafael’s. They held hands for as long as possible, as they walked home, as they readied for bed. Rafael held onto Trevor’s presence until he finally fell asleep, where for the first time since they had met, he dreamed of him.


	5. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, many thanks to my beta ChameleonCircuit.
> 
> And super special thanks to my newly instated co-author Bulletproof_love! Who helped me rewrite a large portion of this. Thank you oh so very very much, I am eternally grateful.
> 
> All the good bits are theirs, the rest are mine.
> 
> As always I do not own, only enjoy, and I hope you do too. Feedback is very much appreciated

Trevor awoke to the repetitive drip of water splashing onto concrete. His eyelids felt heavy as he struggled to open them, his vision blurred as he found himself staring across a cold concrete surface. His cheek was pressed to the unrelenting floor, the left side of his face hurting from the prolonged exposure to the freezing texture. The same agony could be felt throughout his immobile form as he found himself lying upon his stomach, his limbs entirely uncooperative.

There was a light in the distance, he couldn’t make out much more than the dull brightness highlighting the frame of a sturdy metal door. His throat felt raw, he tried to speak but instead a spluttered cough erupted from his aching chest.

It was the smell that hit him next, that unique blend of something sharp and sweet. It flooded his nostrils as he drew in a breath, causing him to gag and his stomach to roll. His chest heaved as the panic began to set in, he willed his limbs to shift, to move but they wouldn’t, he was trapped, immobile in this tiny brickwork room.

“I wouldn’t try to move,” a disembodied voice uttered from the darkness. “The drug won't let you.”

Trevor swallowed against the bile in his throat, raising his head just enough to see steel toe capped boots appear within his line of vision. The exertion cost him greatly, his strength waned, his forehead hitting the floor with a dull thud that seemed to echo throughout the room. Pain seared through him, he cried out as stars erupted behind his eyes. 

There was laughter, a cruel rasping sound that sent a chill right down Trevor’s spine as he made the connection, as he realized who held him captive. 

“Mr. Langan,” Dylan Jordan greeted him, the reality of the situation drilling into Trevor’s skull. “Or can I call you Trevor now?”

Trevor said nothing, he closed his eyes momentarily trying to breathe through the anxiety that was bubbling up in his chest, threatening to drown him in its wake.

Dylan’s footsteps resounded in his ears, apprehension filling Trevor up as he came to a stop at Trevor’s right side. 

“I want to see your face,” Dylan told him, the implications filling Trevor with dread.

He watched reproachfully as Dylan crouched down. He felt rough hands grasp his torso, shoving him until he lay on his back staring up at the bleak ceiling.

“Do you want to know why your here Trevor?” Dylan chuckled, his face appearing over Trevor, a sneer crossing this thin lips. “You and Rafael haven’t completed your bond yet have you?”

Once again Trevor felt his heart beginning to pound in his chest, he swore he could feel ever individual thud of it against his ribs as he struggled to make his expression impassive. 

“I could smell it on you both,” Dylan informed Trevor, tilting his head as he reviewed Trevor with his callous gaze. “The want, the desire for consummation. People like you have a specific scent.”

Trevor’s throat constricted as Dylan leaned in close. Trevor could feel the heat of his skin as he inhaled deeply, staring into Trevor’s eyes. 

“After you have that moment, after you bond…” Dylan murmured, his lips barely inches away from Trevor’s as he cupped the other man’s cheek. “You’re going to watch me slit his throat, the life drain out of his eyes and you are going to feel the agony of losing your soulmate.”

The furious growl that left Trevor’s mouth was feral, he snarled at Dylan as his instincts kicked into gear, baying for blood at the imminent threat to his soulmate. He wanted to wrap his hand around Dylan’s throat and squeeze... 

But his limbs wouldn’t function, he could barely move more than a few inches and it wasn’t nearly enough to save Rafael. 

Dylan laughed as he drew away, that maniacal cackle vibrating through Trevor’s ears as Dylan stalked towards the metal door. He threw Trevor one final look before he slammed the door close, the noise echoing as Trevor was once again plunged into darkness.

\--

From the moment he woke up Rafael knew something was wrong, he felt it deep in his bones. His stomach was twisting itself into knots, and bile clawed up his throat. He forced himself to sit up, the world spun, tipping sideways. There was a deep seated panic coursing through him, something he hadn’t felt since the death threats.

He forced himself to sit up and look around his room, an old habit to reassure himself that he was safe. His room was exactly as it was when he fell asleep, everything appeared to be in place. He slowly climbed out of bed and walked over to his closet, grabbing the robe that hung over the door. The material felt soft and warm as he wrapped it around himself and tied it at the waist. 

As he padded down the corridor the twisting in his stomach grew worse. His limbs felt heavy and tired, aching even. When he reached the kitchen he brewed himself a pot of coffee. Flashes of agony and cries of pain echoed through his mind, he could practically taste the terror. When he rushed to the sink and dry heaved he knew something was definitely wrong.

He shakily made his way back to the hallway, stopping to lean against the couch as the sensation of panic overwhelmed him.  His head throbbed and once again bile crept up the back of his throat. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, he held it for a moment before he exhaled before urging himself forward.

As he made his way down the corridor he used the wall to support himself as more flashes came to him. Glimpses of a room, lying on a concrete floor, a voice murmuring to him. Inch by inch he drove himself to continue, his bedroom almost within reach.

When he finally wrapped a shaking hand around his doorframe Rafael finally breathed a sigh of relief. He darted towards his phone and dialled Olivia’s number with a shaking hand. As the phone rang he saw another flash, Dylan Jordan’s cold smiling face was as clear as day.

“Come on,” he muttered as he waited for the call to connect.

Finally, Olivia’s familiar voice answered. “Benson.”

“Liv?” His voice sounded strange, raspier than normal.

“Rafa?” She immediately responded. “Is everything okay?”

“Liv,” Rafael croaked, his vision blurring. “Trevor’s in trouble.”

“Trevor?” There was apparent confusion in her tone. Now more than ever Rafael regretted hiding his status from her. 

“Dylan Jordan has kidnaped his attorney,” he managed to choke out as he fell to the floor. “You have to find him Liv, he’s going to kill him.”

“Rafa? Raf?” Liv’s worried voice echoed down the line.

Rafael tried to respond but it was too late. Another sharp pain in his temple and his world faded to black.

—

“I think he’s waking up.”

The words rolled through Rafael’s as he slowly became more aware of the world around him. His entire body in agony, as though he had been thoroughly beaten, even though all he had done this morning was walk from one side of his apartment to the other. 

Flashes of Trevor ran through his mind, conjuring up imagined memories. Trevor lying broken on the floor, in pain. Screaming as Jordan kicked broken ribs, as Jordan broke his legs. It made him physically nauseous. 

“Rafael?” Liv’s voice murmured and he felt the physical presence of her hand rubbing his back. 

He slowly opened his eyes. “Trevor?”

“He’s not at his apartment,” her face tight with concern. “We’re looking for him now.”

“And Jordan?” He was surprised at how coherent he sounded.

“Gone,” he felt bile clawing up his throat at Liv’s blunt answer. “Patrols are out scouring the neighborhood--”

“But he’s vanished?” Even though his jaw ached, he still managed to sound bitter.

Liv chose to ignore his sarcasm and continued to question Rafael. “Can you feel him?” 

“Jordan?” His scoff made him wince.

She corrected him. “Trevor.”

Rafael took a deep, grounding breath and reached for his soulmate. The connection felt stretched but he could still feel Trevor, he was still alive. He tried to touch him, to reassure him, but was met with nothing. No warmth, no sense of Trevor, nothing.

“He’s still alive,” Rafael murmured as relief washed over him. “I can feel barely feel him, but he’s still there.”

“That’s good, Rafael,” he didn’t appreciate the way she spoke to him, as though he was a child. “Now where can we find him?”

“I’m not a homing device,” he shouted.

“Studies have shown--”

“I know,” Rafael’s voice shook as he continued. “I’ve read them too, and I am telling you I have no idea where he is.” He inhaled deeply as he took a moment to steady himself. “I wish I did.”

Liv’s hand was on his back once more, rubbing soothing circles. “We’ll find him.”

“Please hurry,” he croaked. “I’m not sure how much longer he’ll be alive.”

\--

Rafael hated waiting.

As soon as the EMT had given him the all clear, Liv stopped being his friend and immediately became Lieutenant Benson. She had radio's two uniformed officers and organized for one to guard the front of the building, and the other to guard the door of his apartment, making them promise not to let Rafael leave under any circumstances.

_ “It’s for your own safety, Rafael,” she had declared as she left the apartment. “As is this.” She pressed a tracking device into his palm with a firm nod. “Just in case.” _

Rafael had dumped it next to his keys the moment the door had closed behind her. It was his soulmate who was currently in danger, locked in some sadistic psychopath’s torture chamber. He wanted to be out there looking for Trevor, looking after Trevor. Instead he was stuck in his apartment waiting,  for news from Liv, for a glimpse at the connection that would indicate that Trevor was still alive, anything.

The knock on the front door was a much welcome reprieve as opposed to the alternative of driving himself crazy.“Just a minute,” he called out as he reached the door. Through the peephole he could see Officer Meldrum grimacing as he looked up at the door.  “What do you want?”

“I need to use the bathroom,” the familiar Irish accent answered.

Rafael sighed before a removed the chain and unlocked the deadbolt, allowing the uniformed police officer entry.

“The bathroom is do--”

Before Rafael could finish his sentence he felt the cold barrel of the gun pressed against his temple. Out of the corner of his eye he could see a familiar face grinning at him. Dylan Jordan.

“Hello, Rafael.”


	6. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday Iloveadabarba!! We hope you enjoy!
> 
> This chapter is not beta’d. Is rushed and we are very very sorry.
> 
> A special thanks to ChameleonCircuit & MrBarbaCarisi for coming up with the initial idea and for helping me to plot. And to Darkmoore for poking at the holes and helping us towards the end. You are all brilliant and I couldn’t have done it without you.
> 
> And finally, many thanks to bulletproof_love, my brilliant co-author, fic savant and friend for helping me write this chapter.
> 
> All the good bits are theirs, the rest are mine.
> 
> As always I do not own, only enjoy, and I hope you do too. Feedback is very much appreciated

Like nails on a chalkboard, the sound of his name on Jordan’s lips sent a shudder through Rafael. 

“ _Hello, Rafael.”_

 Each of the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end as he opened his eyes to see Jordan staring, the gun in his hand was raised and pointing directly at Rafael’s head. Jordan loomed larger than he remembered, though Rafael was almost certain the gun had something to do with that perception.

From the corner of his eye, Rafael could see a shaken Officer Meldrum approaching. He had grabbed a lamp off the table and was slowly approaching Jordan. Rafael flicked his gaze back to Jordan who was staring at him intently.

 “Oh no,” Jordan’s tone was almost gleeful. “We can’t let that happen.” 

Rafael could do nothing but stand and watch as Jordan quickly spun on his heel and slammed the approaching officer in the head with his pistol. Even though the officer crumbled to the floor, Jordan proceeded to kick him. Finally, he raised his pistol again, aiming it at the unconscious man on the floor.

“Wait,” Rafael shouted, raising a shaking hand. “Don’t shoot, please.” He took a deep breath before he continued. “What do you want?”

“There are many things I want, Rafael,” Dylan removed the safety. “But right now? I want you to come with me.”

“I will go with you,” Rafael choked back a sob. “I will go with you if you don’t shoot him. Please, put the safety back on.”

Dylan lifted the gun and examined it carefully before he pointed it towards Rafael once more. He then turned to the side and made a show of slowly sliding the safety back into place. Rafael breathed a sigh of relief.

“Don’t look so relieved, Rafael,” Jordan sang as he grabbed Rafael by the arm and marched Rafael through his front door. “We’re going on an adventure. I’m taking you to your soulmate.”

\--

Jordan’s ruse was simple, to a passerby they looked like a couple, arms locked together as they walked away from Rafael’s apartment and into an alley. The illusion was quickly shattered when Jordan guided him over to a sleek, black panel van. He shoved Rafael against the back door, pulling his arms together behind him. Rafael could feel the sharp sting of a plastic cable tie, binding his wrists.

Rafael opened his mouth to say something, only for a foul tasting cloth to be shoved into his mouth. Jordan tilted his head, amused at the sight of Rafael gagged. He wrenched open the back of the van and pushed Rafael inside, allowing him to fall to his knees.

“Enjoy the ride,” Jordan said as he slammed the door closed, sealing Rafael in darkness.

Rafael listened intently to the harsh crunch of Jordan’s booths on gravel, followed by the opening and closing of a door. Within moments the engine roared to life and the van began to move.

The first thing he did was force the gag from his mouth, spitting it to the floor. He choked out a sob, allowing himself a moment to panic before he breathed in deeply and grounded himself. As he had left his apartment he had swiped the tracker he had unceremoniously dumped earlier and slid it into his back pocket. It was difficult to locate with his hands bound behind his back, but eventually he managed to remove the device from his pocket.

“Thank you Liv,” he whispered as he pressed the button activating the device.

Rafael twisted himself until he could just make out the tracker, it was now flashing red, broadcasting his location to Olivia. All he could do was pray that she noticed that he was moving sooner rather than later.

He shuffled forward until he was against the side of the van before he allowed himself to sink on the floor. Rafael had no idea how long they travelled for, but after what felt like hours, traffic noise began to subside and the road straightened out. Rafael’s stomach began to twist, they were clearly no longer in Manhattan. It was almost a relief when the van stopped.

He heard the driver’s door opening and slamming shut, followed by footsteps moving past him. Then there was silence. Rafael reached through the connection, tentatively feeling for Trevor. He was relieved to feel his soulmates presence, faint on the other side. The agony that Trevor was in made Rafael’s heartache, he wet his lips then concentrated on sending every positive emotion he could to Trevor. Rafael just needed Trevor to know that he was there and that he was loved, anything to ease the overwhelming grief that plagued him.

The sound of the van door slamming open wrenched Rafael from the connection. “Oh I’m sorry,” Jordan’s voice set his hairs on end. “Was I interrupting a moment?” He beckoned Rafael closer. 

Rafael forced himself to his feet and began to walk towards Jordan. As soon as he was in arms reach, Jordan grabbed him and pulled him down, removing a pair of scissors from his pockets. In one swift motion he removed the cable tie, allowing Rafael’s hands to be free.

“Say thank you,” Rafael just glared at him. “Don’t be rude, otherwise I’ll bind your wrists again.”

“Thank you,” he hissed out.

“You’re welcome,” Jordan said as he passed him a small plastic container filled with small blue pills. “Time to take your medicine, Rafael.” 

Rafael examined the pills, his stomach sinking when he realised what they were. “Viagra?”

“For the expected performance anxiety,” Jordan’s smile was far too wide. “If you don’t take the pills, I won't take you to Trevor.” 

“Oh god,” Rafael’s stomach twisted and he felt himself dry heave as he realised why Jordan had taken him, why Trevor had been kept alive. The time between when Jordan’s victims had bonded with their soulmates had become shorter and shorter, the last one only being hours between bonding and death. Jordan was going to kill them as soon as they had consummated their bond. 

“Drink up,” There was a glass of water sitting on the side of the van, Jordan passed it to him. 

Rafael popped one pill in his mouth followed by a sip of water, still his mouth felt dry. He gagged on the pill, coughing it up and onto the ground. Jordan frowned at him before he reached down and picked up the pill again.

“This time you will swallow it,” he said carefully. “Otherwise these scissors may end up cutting something other than plastic.”

He thought of the tracker in the back of his pocket as he forced the pills down his throat. His head was spinning, he felt faint. He needed to do this, for himself, for Liv and for Trevor. He finished off the water then locked eyes with Jordan. He allowed the glass to fall from his hand and roll onto the floor.

Jordan sighed loudly before he lifted his shirt to reveal the gun he had been carrying earlier. He pulled the gun from his belt and pointed it at Rafael. “Open your mouth, let me see.” Rafael complied, opening his mouth widely. Jordan kept a hand on the gun as he turned to grab his phone. He used it as a torch, shining light down Rafael’s throat. “Lift your tongue.” Once again Rafael did as instructed. “There we go.”

“Can I see him now?” Rafael asked. 

“Certainly,” he nodded, before he roughly grabbed Rafael by the arm.

As Jordan escorted him down a dark corridor, Rafael tried to make note of any distinguishing features it may have had. But all he could see were solid concrete and pipes. Rafael felt his heart rate spike every time they drew closer to a door, only for them to walk past it. It felt as though they had been walking for hours when they finally reached a plain steel door, Jordan stopped and with his free hand slid a large metal bolt from the door. Rafael wrenched himself out of Jordan’s grasp.

“I’ll give you two a moment to get reacquainted,” Jordan said as he opened the heavy iron door. “Better hurry, those pills will kick in soon and I will be here for the show.”

Rafael didn’t need to be told again, he took a step into the room. Trevor was propped up against the wall in the furthest corner, his back resting against the brickwork, his head hanging forward, chin touching his chest. Rafael could hear his ragged, laboured breaths, see his chest heaving with exertion. He rushed towards Trevor, dropping to his knees beside the other man.

“Trevor,” he murmured, his hands reaching out to tip Trevor’s chin up so he could see the life in those stormy grey eyes.

“Rafael,” Trevor croaked, his eyebrows furrowing into a deep frown as he tried to tear himself away, weak hands pushing at Rafael. “You need to go! You need to go now!”

There was desperation in his voice, Rafael could feel the urgency of Trevor’s words deep within the depths of their connection. He knew what Trevor was going to say and he hoped, he prayed that Liv got here before Dylan managed to fulfil his plan. Already he could feel the pills that Dylan had forced upon him taking effect, he tried to ignore his body’s betrayal and focus on Trevor. He wanted to wrap Trevor up in his arms and never let him go, he wanted his lover to feel secure and protected and he tried to send those feelings across their bond.

“You know that’s not going to happen.” Rafael whispered, cradling Trevor’s face in his hands. “I won’t leave you here alone.” 

Trevor grasped Rafael’s wrists, his clumsy thumbs smoothing over his lover’s flesh.

 “Rafael, he’s going to…”

“I know.” Rafael said cutting him off, his lips pursing together grimly as he stared into his lover’s eyes. “You have to trust me.”

He reached for Trevor over the threads of their connection, opening him up to the honesty and of his statement. Trevor inhaled deeply, his breath shaky as Rafael pressed his forehead against his. 

“It’ll be ok.” Rafael whispered, his lips brushing over Trevor’s lightly. “I promise.” 

“I see you’ve started without me.” Dylan stated conversationally, his footsteps resounded through the room as he approached the two of them, gun clasped idly in his right hand.

The urge to protect his soulmate was instinctual, Rafael could feel it burning deep down inside of him, giving him the courage to face Dylan on equal ground. Rafael was aware of his physical flaws, he wasn’t strong or trained in the way his friends in the Squad were, but he was smart, he could buy the two of them a little time.

 “It’s not going to work.” Rafael said, slowly raising to his feet and turning to face Dylan, putting himself between him and Trevor. “The drugs you’ve used on Trevor have had a nasty side effect.”

For a second he saw Dylan falter, a flicker of uncertainty crossed over his features and that was the opening Rafael needed.

“I’m sure you’re aware that some medications can cause cognitive impairment and when you’re not bonded it makes the connection fragile.” Rafael delivered the explanation the same way he would if he had been in courtroom, guiding a jury over unfamiliar ground. “Even if we tried to bond right now, the likelihood is that connection would snap and all of this…” Rafael added, gesturing to the room itself. “Would be for nothing.” 

Rafael stared Jordan down, projecting as much conviction into his words as he could. Jordan raised his gun, trying to shake him, but Rafael didn’t waiver. He had stood opposite men scarier than Dylan Jordan and had torn them to shreds. He was Rafael Barba.

The silence lasted longer than he expected. When Jordan eventually opened his mouth he sounded less sure of himself. “Do you think I’m stupid?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?” He cocked his brow, challenging Jordan to tell him he was wrong. There was a dull thud and the building shook. Rafael kept his expression schooled, not wanting to give away the relief he felt. SVU were on their way. 

Jordan’s gaze snapped to Rafael’s, anger lacing his words. He lifted the gun and pointed it towards Trevor. “On the ground with him now.”

Rafael raised his hands and backed slowly towards Trevor, reaching out through the link, reassuring him that everything was going to be okay. Out of the corner of his eye he saw something roll into the room behind Jordan. He closed his eyes and willed Trevor to do the same thing.

There was a large bang followed by Jordan’s scream. Rafael heard the rush of many footsteps running into the room. When he finally opened his eyes he could make out Olivia Benson walking towards them shrouded in smoke, every bit the hero she was always trying to be.

“Rafael,” Olivia was on him immediately, checking him over. “Are you okay?”

 “I’m fine Liv,” he insisted, gesturing towards Trevor. “Please help him.”

Olivia nodded. “Can we get an EMT in here?”

“Arrest him,” she shouted, detective Carisi was more than happy to comply.

“Dylan Jordan,” Carisi began to mirandize him, cuffing his hands behind his back. “You have the right to remain silent—” 

“How did you find me?” Jordan screamed as he was dragged from the room, but he was ignored.

Rafael crouched down and took Trevor’s hand in his and squeezed. “Everything’s going to be fine now.”

“How did they find us?” Trevor asked through short breath.

Rafael slid his hand into his back pocket and pulled out the tracker. It was still flashing red. He turned to Olivia, his face grim. “I know I ignored you earlier, but thank you.”

 “Anytime, Rafael.”

 --

When they arrived at hospital the doctor’s looked over Rafael, despite his requesting otherwise, Liv stayed by his side and watched the whole thing. It was humiliating, being poked and prodded whole is friend watched, especially as the viagra had done its job. Other than a nasty concussion, and a few bumps, scrapes and bruises he was declared to be okay.

 Trevor was not okay.

Rafael was left in the dark after they looked Trevor over and wheeled him out of the room. Eventually Liv informed him that whatever Jordan had used to drug Trevor had made him very ill, and other than a concussion he was fine. It wasn’t until Rafael felt Trevor reach for him through their connection that he knew everything was going to be okay. As soon as he was discharged Rafael went home, showered and then headed back to the hospital and straight to patient intake. The moment Rafael saw Trevor, the moment they were able to reach out and touch, Rafael knew that everything was going to be find.

 --

 The apartment was large and airy, not at all what Rafael was expecting when he thought about where Trevor would live. There were large windows overlooking the Hudson River, which allowed warm light to stream through. Along one wall was a large bookshelf, much like his own at home, with rows upon rows stacked over each other.

The couches were large enough for Trevor to comfortably lie across, a soft grey material which looked far more comfortable than Rafael’s own black leather. They were surrounded by pictures of Trevor’s family, his parents, his siblings. Even though it was his first time visiting, it felt like home.

“Rafael?” The sound of his name drew him from his thoughts.

“Sorry,” Rafael turned to face Trevor, who looked handsome dressed in a faded Yale shirt and grey sweats. “Just admiring your apartment.” 

“I like the look of you here,” Trevor teased, wrapping his arms around Rafael’s waist.

Rafael leaned his head back and allowed Trevor to press a kiss to his mouth. “I like the look of you.”

“I know you do,” Trevor’s voice went low, sending a shiver down his spine.

Rafael let his eyes fall closed, allowing himself to just feel. This was it. This was what they had worked for, fought for, waited for. He felt secure in Trevor's arms. Protected. Safe. And free to take that last step.

After such a long time they would finally bond - on their own agenda, not someone else's.

Rafael turned in Trevor's arms, reveling in Trevor's warmth, his scent, the way his arms felt as he held Rafael close.  "You know I love, you, right?" 

“I know,” he could hear the smile in Trevor’s voice.

“We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready to—”

Trevor leaned down and captured Rafael’s mouth with his own. “Rafael, I love you. I’m ready.”

He was overwhelmed by the flood of emotions pouring out of Trevor. Rafael moved away from him, twisting himself to grab Trevor by the hand. “Come on,” he murmured gently. “Let’s go to bed.”


End file.
